Reflection

1. Which in class writing was your favorite? Why?
2. Which in class writing was your least favorite? Why?
3. Review all your writing chronologically (earliest to latest). List three interesting observations or changes in your writing. Which are the most profound (obvious and important)? Why?
4. If you could change anything about your writing this semester what would it be? Why?
5. What did you like best about this course?
6. What did you like least about this course?
7. What would you have done differently this semester if you could have a do-over?
8. What did learn about yourself as a student, a thinker, a writer this semester?
9. What could I, Ms. A., have done differently to improve the course?
10. You begin this course with an engagement and participation score of an A.  Attendance, participation in activities and group work help you to maintain this grade.  Evaluate yourself and assign yourself a grade for the in class portion of this course.  Don’t forget the reasoning behind your self assigned grade.

• Honestly, my favorite in class writing assignment would probably have to be the I believe essay. That's really the only writing assignment we did that wasn't a group project or a free write, which is exactly why it's my favorite. My least favorite assignment was the 25 word dictionary. Mostly because I am the kind of person where if there is an option to work alone, I'll do it. I don't like group projects and that's not because I don't know how to work in them, it's because half the time it's awkward for everyone to start if they don't already know each other and also because I end up having my own ideas, and I always think they're the best (because they are), so I'm always unhappy with the results of group projects. 

• As far as my writing goes, I haven't noticed much change. I seem to get better at spelling things correctly for free writes, but other than that I don't think my writing has improved at all. It's stayed the same. Nothing is different to me, at least I'm not seeing the difference. If I could change anything about my writing, I would like to improve overall, but specifically in grammar.

• The best things about this course were the philosophical discussions, and open discussions about current events and ideals. I love philosophy so I really enjoyed this part of the class; I don't get these anywhere else. I just wish I would have had the courage to speak up more in class.

• The thing I liked the least about this course were that there were really no assignments. It's hard to track my grade when there really isn't one. About the writing specifically, anything that was a group project was the worst. All of them were the same to me. As previously stated : group projects and I just do not get along.

• If I could do anything differently, I would speak up more, and probably put more effort into the free writes. 

• I haven't really learned anything new, but I have had a refresher course on a lot of topics. As a student, not so much. But as a thinker/writer, I've relearned that there is always an audience, whether it be yourself or others, and it's best to remember what your audience has been through/who your audience is before you speak/write.

• To improve the course, I would suggest less free writing (but that's my own personal preference), less group projects, and more written assignments with grades, and better feedback. I didn't get much feedback on the writings we did submit, and I feel that it hinders the opportunity to become a better writer. I think what I submitted was perfect, but there were probably a lot of errors, and I wish there would have been a reflection time to see where I was not doing so well, and work on that.

• I absolutely hate giving myself a grade. I always grade low (I wouldn't be a very good teacher), especially when it comes to myself because I know that I could've done better. But overall I would say a very low A, or high B. Mostly because I participated in all of the assignments I was here for and the like, but I never really participated in group discussions.

25 Word Dictionary

My wonky manpanion started in on me, “Wabbit, you are uber blue today. It’s very disquieting. The sun is shining, and you’re usually so chipper. What’s wrong?” I felt cautious. He scared me like he used to the other day. That warm glorious feeling I once felt around him was gone.

“You’re super adorbs and pulchritudinous. I know I’m silly to you sometimes, but I’m indubitably in love with you. Please don’t hear my words as being fallacious, I’d bet my life on you.”

“Hodor! You’re always so freakin’ precious aren’t you? You know what you remind me of? A grumpy puppy! Just get in your tank and leave me here to widdle away! I just want to sell my walking sticks alone!” His face scrunched up, and the man I spent most of my life with climbed into his maroon stationwagon, and left forever. My walking stick business picked up, and I spent the rest of my days in peace.

Extra Credit on the Baha'i Faith

Brittany Temple

Mr. Ackerman

PHL-110-104

8 April 2015

Baha'i Education

The video that was shown in a short synopsis was about the followers of the Baha'i faith and the injustice they are exposed to throughout Iran. It told the specific stories of a few people who have lost people to this injustice. People have been captured, arrested, tortured, and murdered because it is thought that the Baha’i people are a threat to the ideals of Iran. The main focus of the film was the Baha'i’ Institute for Higher Education (BIHE). Part of the problems that the Baha’i people had was being cut off from higher education. They were expelled from universities and banned from their libraries. Then the BIHE was formed. Students met together in homes and had classes taught there, as well as online. They were sent materials to study from as well. The authorities in Iran have been known to enter homes and take and destroy these materials, as well as kidnap teachers and students, torture and murder them. Despite this, the BIHE has flourished. There are many Baha’i people still in Iran who continue to work with and learn from BIHE, but there are also Baha’i people in the United States who are safe from persecution. People who are not Baha’is and still value education are a part of the BIHE as well.

When I was watching this video I felt angry. I was appalled to see that there were still places out there that were attacking others with different beliefs to this extent. I realized we see forms of this in the United States as well and I was able to connect on some level with these people. It amazes me that we as a race have come so far in acceptance and tolerance, yet it still seems as if we haven’t progressed at all. To some extent, the video made me feel grateful as well. Grateful that because of my race, gender, belief system, geographical location, I have not been discriminated against. Well, not to this extent. I also felt grateful that I get the opportunity to choose if I want to go to a place of higher learning or not, and I’m not just simply denied. I do see both sides of the situation. I understand how the Iranian officials can see the Baha’i people as a threat to their countries ideals, how they can justify in their minds this kind of ruling, and how this seems like the right thing to do. I just wish that there was something I could do about it right now, and that I could have the ability to talk to these people, to try and change their minds about this. Unfortunately, there are those who are not willing to change themselves. Overall, I feel angry and sad that this is still happening in the world. I hope that once I’ve went through my education, and become wiser, that I can change the world, see that change, and witness tyranny like this end for good.

Dream

at some point in time in the dream my grandmother and I were about to go down the cave. it was a little hill with a large rock protruding giving way for a path and then entrance to the cave. I had a small handheld candle holder with a small candle in it. I asked why I needed it, and my grandmother said to help with the fear, and that it will go out, but that that’s what she was there for. supposedly this cave went down to the seven gates of hell. suddenly we were not able to go down and then we were in my grandfather’s car that supposedly he had let my mother use. there was a cigarette butt in the back door thing holder and in the front seat where the dash was there was a secret compartment full of ashes and cigarette butts (by the speedometer). my grandmother and i were cleaning out the car for grandpa. i don't remember what we were talking about, there was a trash bag in the back seat between us. then my mom came by and sat in the car’s seat in the back where i had once been and was all, “how are you?” and looked very different and young. the dream flash forwarded to the deck of my grandparent’s house and we were all sitting around. the glass table was not there but we were sitting in lounging chairs. My mother started to grit her teeth and lick the topside of her mouth. she was moaning and rolling her eyes. Not like those with mental disabilities, but like someone under the influence. I remember thinking in my dream that it was probably meth. While everyone was yelling and fussing at my mother, I decided to go down into the cave. Max our dog was following me. I had the candle in my hand and we embarked down the dark path. The candle stayed lit for a while and then a large gust of wind (which I did not feel or see anywhere else) blew the candle out in almost an instant, and then I woke up.

The Heart and The Fist Writing

I think the purpose of the text for the author was to get things down on paper. To say to himself, “This did happen, and I’m still okay.” Even if he did so without even realizing it. I think the purpose the author intended the book to be for other people was to show them what it’s like, and connect with others who are like him, or have been through some of the same experiences. To show them that it really is as terrible as they say it is out there. To try and make them understand why there are so many veterans who have health problems and can’t keep afloat. I think the intended audience is really everyone. Those who have served in a war so as to say, “We can get through this.” And I think it’s for those who haven’t to say,” Do you understand now?” I think that the audience was very broad and  couldn’t be brought down to one specific group of people.

Stress and Conflict Freewrite

Let Stress Be Your Friend

I believe it, sure. DO I want to do it, no? I don’t know. it’s too much work, and I’m too lazy. Laziness is actually what causes like half of my stress.I’m so glad this prompt is only five minutes long. I just want to get out of here and go home and  take out my contacts, and then take a nap. I plan on playing sims again. sims stresses me out. Because they’re unpredictable. Troy forgot his headset and I definitely did not tell him. I wouldn’t have had time to turn around for it. my hands hurt a little bit. this positioning for my hands is not good. I hate how thesecomputers are set-up/ can’t tjey just put them on the top? what is this protecting them from? we can’t bring food or drink in here anyway.

conflict

i have conflictws of time, all the time. i need to be twenty place at once and then when i get home because of all of the adrenaline thats still pumping through me, i cant fall asleep until like two in the morning which creates a conflict for me in getting to class on time/ Ive been late to my chemistry class by at least 10 minutes the past four classes. im never late to work. i never miss work. and im on time to everything else. my classes are what get pushed aside. most of the time. except in today’s case, where i didn’t tell troy i knew his headset was still home because i needed to be here today. we’re not doing anything of much importantce. not to me anway the backspace/delete keys are my favorite keys. i got the window to be smaller so i can actually see what im doing now which is nice. i dont know why i didn’t think of that. i feel like i go off on tangents that she doesnt want me to. i feel like she wants to me just write about the writing prompt. which i did, its just everything i think of makes me think of like ten different things that to me are associated with the subject, but to anyone else may not be. like mac and cheese makes me think of football makes me thing of video games, makes me think about how my xbox doesnt work makes me think of how my computer doesnt work either and that i need to get it fixed, which makes me think of tasha’s dad, which makes me think of tasha, which makes me thing of how she ate all my cookies when i used to have them stored up, think of the before time when it was just me and things werent so bad. so iin essence mac and cheese makes me think of when i first moved into my apartment. and you may be able to see the connections now, but if i just said mac and cheese makes me think of my apartment. it wouldnt. and that one is easy.

conflict’s point of view.

time would say, it’s fine, i go pretty slow when you want me too. its only when you dont pay attention or lay down for too long, that i seem to go by fast. only when you dont whant me to i do. and i go the same speed in both situations. freewritings would say, im pretty important for some reason. io can help you get beettter at writing. sleep would say, youre right you dont need me until its tomorrow and you didnt get enough of me last night and now time isnt allowing you to have any more of me because you were too lazy and now you have to be somewhere. I just translated this document intor German.

third point of view

time beats brittany up because she is insolent, brittany fights sleep because she cant beat up time so she might as well pick on someone her own size. sleep just has to take it. he is fed up of course because she’s blaming him for something he didn’t do, but he doesn’t have anyone to beat up.Time>Brittany>Sleep>Nothing=0 so we can condlude that if we remove brittany, timeis greater than sleep is greater than nothing and 0 is less than brittany

Happiness Freewrite

Happiness

Happiness is soemthing that comes in a sandwhich tin from the gas station . happiness is a bell on your keychain. HAPPINESS is something you can have, and lose within minutes. Happiness is subjective. I don’t believe that anyone truly ever has felt happy. Sure you get periods of time where everything is right, you smile easier,you laugh harder. But things add up. They get blocked, they get moved, they get destroyed. Soemthing happens. It could take five years or five seconds, and then your world is upsde down again. The happiness that everyone wants to achieve is ultimate bliss, but that happiness that we can achieve because we are a limited creature/construction, is coping. Being able to find the light even when you’re in the dark. That’s the happiness everyone is talking about, because to be truly happy is impossible. If someone is truly happy, they never feel sad, anxious, emotional tired, angry, anything but happy. Again, happiness is something that comes in the mail from a shady merchant, is a cellphone in the rain, is a bird landing on your finger. You never know when it will come and when it will leave. You know when it gets there and WHEN it leaves, which is at the very least nice. But you can never catch up with it and keep it. Keeping happiness is like keeping a wild animal in your house, and living with it for the rest of your life. If anything, you have to take carre of happiness, but even then, you still get those other emotions taht ruin it. They ruin it for you and youre so angry that they do. it truly is unfair, the thing that everyone is working so hard to have, can never be bought and kept. you work and you work and you work, and then you’re 30 with a spouse and one child with another on the way. You’ve just paid off your house mortgage, and all of your debt has dissappeared slowly the past two years. and the day finally comes because you’re happy. It’s a saturday, no one has any obligations to do anything, all of the debt has finally been paid off. everything is nice. and then sunday happens. A fire breaks loose in your house, your belongings are destoryed, and to make matters worse, you are havimng complications with the pregnancy from the thick fire smoke. and there it goes. only a memory of what that felt like taht remains.

Healthy Colors are Important Freewrite

health is important

i guess this is my slogan. i dont know what that means.. i just want to go home and go to bed. that all i wantto do. HEALTHY. thats my slogan. health is importatnt, yet i dont want to get better. i just want to sleep. HEALTHY maybe if i write that 30 more times i wont have to share anything. escept that people need to be HEALTHY to live normal lives. well i use the word notmal loosely. HEALTHY HEALTHY HEALHTY HEALTH IS IMPORTANT. its very importatnt in all aspects of the word. there is physically healthy (so eating right and exercising and not being lazy and not getting sick and taking vitamins that you need and getting shots) and there is mentally healthy (so feeling good about your self, coping with stress, coping with anything really, being able to function in a social situation, doing things that are in the norm, being yourself, not hearing or seeing things, being able to participate in society). all are good thing. im going to stop writing now. how long is this goigng to last. my brain is tired, my hands are tires, my eyes are tired. everything is tired. i just need a good nap, but i dont have time for one. and i just thought about some assignments that i have do for computers ugh. i dont want to stay up all night, but i might as well. i can get everything done if i do.  HEALTHY MEANS HAPPY.  

crayola color : 1000 leagues under the sea blue.

i thought blue would fit bestk. i like the color blue.i could have alsio done something like “soulless black” or “fashion week orange” those would work. those are my favorite colors. but not ones that really descrive me. i have a soul, and i would nevrr wear orange ingeneral and especially not an orage called “fashion week orange’. not happening. 1000 leagues under the sea blue fits me just right.its because thats where i am. 1000 leagues uner the sea. is the time up yet?f my spelling is super good when im not trying. grammar is superb.

What If Freewrite

What if I was never in marching band?

Wel i gues if i was never in marching band, i wouldnt have had that sunburn. or those sunburns, or that dehydration or the pain. but i dont think i would have the discipline, the skill in my instrument, the bragging right to say < “whey my band is super good in marching”. i guess i never would have met nick, or melissa. well i might have. i dont know if the what if applies to convert band. so lets say i did concery band. we sit in the smae spot every day, and pretty much stay iwithing our sections. so i may have met lmellissa, bproblably would have. would not have met nivck. which i dont know where my life would be or who i would dbe dating. or who my furture husband would be or whatever. i wouldnt nkow how to solve RWO TWO saides of a megaminxx, or botered to learn how to solve a rubkiks cube at all. I wouldnt know newat facts about things. i wouldnt know a lot. but would i have gotten that information from somehwat welse? i dont know. i would only hope. because im so much more of a person from knowing nick. i dont NEED him to breathe, i would like ihim, love him to be in my life, but im independent, and it hink ive learned that from him. so would i be ain a codependt relationsjop right now? whould i be smoking crack in the back alley? would i be like tasha? i dont know. i wish we could come up witha life simulator (like they do in games because its already a predetermined outcome) to where to make a decision, we could see what all of the possible outcomes would be. simulate our life from that decision othere on out, to see if it was right, or help us make the decision. im not much a of a decision maker if you havent noticed, but that would be fgreat. like i can go onine and see what wil happen if i do X in a video game, life should be like that too, expcet i feel like it would bve faulty because people change their minds, and they are unpredictable tsomeimtes. i know that from firsthand experiance. i wish i mean im glad we are unpredictable sometiems though. sometimes its bad and someone gets murdered, but someitmes its good, and your boyfrirend takes you ring shopping, or you get pictures in  a photo booth, or something youve hated for so long, comews up in front iof you and everyone thinks youre going to ignore or destroy it, but then you do it or eat it or whatever. it cmakes likfe intersting. i hate it, because i want my outcome simulate, but i love it because it makes life worth living sometimes. that is what i tell people who are suicidual, people are unpredictable and life itself is unpreditctable, like right now, life is pretty much making you feel like shit in certain circumstances  or whatever has ha[[end, but just think how wonderful it feels when life is still being its upreditable self, and something wonderful/beautiful happens. thats what makes like fflife worth living. i wish i could take my own advice sometimes. i jknow how i think , i know i hfow jheajfdkjha i feel, i wish i could freaking type anything correctly today. i just want to break this keyboard arg. type brittany type use your knowledge from third grade to actually type a word without a mistake in it. think straight. stop mixing up letter and words with other letter or wrords that ware in the letter or word. wow i did fairly well there for a monent. i cant think as fast as a iiiiiii type and it bothers me when i type one things and mean another. how am i going to be able to come back to this and nknow what i was talking abpot?

What if I had never had a playstation?

what if inever had a opplaystiostn. well i wprobabaly would have been sitting around listening to the nutty prforeesrawerr alubm anyway because that album is bomb as fuck. but also i dont know, i think i still would have gotten the wii and the xbox, but id ont know if the playstation was my fist rrtjf first realk strike with gaming, or if it was with the xboxb. i mightve been less withdrawn, but now that i thin kabout it, i used to play on ht e cuiomputer all the time too. so i dont really know if it would have changed me all that much. i would have never pplayed legend of dragoon, which i would be sad about in this realm, not that wone. oi would be missing out for real. maybe i woulf have stuck mostly with age of empires, and wii games and not pleayed RPGS like i do, ones that are heavly based upon decisions that you the player make. makybe not, ,aybe so. i still think i would have been a gamer though. ive grown up around technology for my whole life. so im pretty used to it, and i think that tyies in to me being a gamer. i also like phone games a lot. i dont know what i would do without my pohen, games. probably socialize read a book, go outside. i dont kow, that all sounds way to healthy for me to want to do it for too long. god i hate freewriting fo rlong periods of time, i just my hand hurts, and i just want to type something right, its frustationg have ing to stay away from the backsapace key. its writed right there i could hit it, everytime i type write instead of right im going to have a mini freak out epidsode. i dont like what my brain is doing to me right now. gar. is this over ye. my hand still hruts. its the flute playing gicing me alrthritis. i swear it up and down! i dont wnat trthritstsjfaskjf arthritis like my mom and grandma.

What if I had never gone to school?

I would be stupid. i bet looking at the previous freewriting assigment “” youd think i hadnt gone to school. i wouldnt know grammar rules, not that i really do, i wouldnt know how tto at least pretend to look smzart. i probably would not know how to fluff up a paper to say the same thing 30 different ways and still get full credit for saying 30 different things. im super smart. i feel like my talent to learn quickly would have gone to waste. i dont like wasting things  very muxch. everything i do has a purpose. even playing phone games. those have purpose. they take up the time so i dont feel bored.but anyway, i guess i f i hand never went to school, i wouldnt know basic math concept s to help me shop or do anything with managaing my money, i wiouldnt knoe any history (thats assuming taht i know any nhhistory now) and i would know how to read, wiould probably something too. i might mbe able to tell poeple what i was thinking, but i wouldnt be able to read or write. that would make it difficult for me to get any sort o fof job every. now if we’re talking just college, then i dont know, ive only had one semsetser so far, and i didnt learn much. it was lall review except public spekaing, but i didnt learn much in there and env science, which i never paid attention in calls.class.  i guess i would feel reptty stuid. especually since all of my family has been to high school and graudated, and then most of my famuilyfwaej family member’s have been to college for at least one or two semesters, so i would feel like i couldnt cut it in my family. itd overall be pretty sucky.

Blue Freewrite

Prompt: Blue

blue like the ocean or my eyes. blue like the sadness that lays inside of people. blue. blue can be pretty. but i can also be threatenting and dispairing. blue is not my favorite color. blue is actually my least favorite color. its proffessional, thank you microsoft, but it remins me to much of the unknown and the pain. sky blue is nice. that remind me of kites, but the normal just blue, or even dark blue is not a fun color. it does not invoke fun, it does not condone fun, and most certainly does not like fun. blue. i wonder what would happen if i wwrote the word blue a million times on a page. would it look like a masterpeice, would it look like i had written the word blue a million times on a page, would it turn blue in my mind. would it make me sad, would it make other pole poeople sad. i think i will try this if my hands will let me. it sounds like an interesting experiment. i might do it a few times, i might do it a milliom times. think. a million pages each one with blue written a million times on them. i should publish it as a book and see how many people i dribe to the brink of insantiy, “but dude. blue. have you ever thought about blue. read this book its dengious” or more realisticly, “dude this is just the word blue writting a niillion times on a million pages. mayube there is a hidden menaing or word. but im not about to find out or look for it.” maybe it would be a bestseller, or a total waste of time. either way a nice experiment. i might paint my rtooom blue. not sky blue but just blue.

Elder Scrolls Freewrite

So when I was eight my father joineed the military he was then deployed to afghansitastan shortly afterwards. Around that time, the nintendo wii had come out for god knows how much sum of ridicfulous ammount of money and my father searfhched and scoured for a wii for me because i was eight and thats what i wanted and my father was really fgood at getting me things that i wantedd to so he couldnt find one in america, they were always all sold out or to omuch moneyand one day during his deployment he was awalking around afghanistan as he would normally do and he saw this venfdor stand, well at the stand was like a ten wdollar wii. a few weeks tlater i received the wii in the mail with one super disffucltu game in it called trauma center. that games is literally the worst thing ever, you have to be a doctor and remove splinters and woinds and sew peoilple up go into them and remove tumors, all with the wii remote and i have always had the shakiest hands in the eworl d so i was not a big famn of that games, asl o= around that time, i had an original playstation or a playtsontioan 1 as people call it and i usedf to play legen d of dragoon on that and listen to the nutty profferso r album which i gad also gotten but asometimes earlier than the wii, it was pretty fun. and then after that i dont remember when but my father passed down his orgiianl xbox to me, and i plyaed the shit out of that sithing, i would play aliens attack, i would play xxs tricky and i would play halolo. all day  long. ive been a gamer my entire life, so it alsways pains me to hear when other gamers are talking about a certain new game or populart game of game series or anything tlike that and im not educated on it. its not that i m not a gamer , its that i play old games. ethat and elder scrolls, ask me any bit of elder scrolls lore, and or ask me to tell you a story , and i could do it in my sleep. speaking of sleep i had the weirdest dream today, i was first a school girl like a four year old and we as a class went outside for whatever reason and there was a dead body in the lake well wehn we found it a group of police officerrs (in like furture so they arwere geared up like robots and such) were like, “we want that dead body” and fr tsome reason the teacher at the school replied, “no we awant it” then there awas a deal that they would fight to tht e deadth for the dead body, and then me being a four year old, i screamed and ran into this nifty two story boat house. a few moments later i was nrmall age (18) and i was licing in the boat house on the lake. it was more of a lagoon or swamp or something that was only ankle deep where the dead body was found bu t the boat on somethug deeper. and ui t was nighttime and we were scratching at the door, someone was filing away the lock so they could get inside. so i ran upstaried and heard gunshots from downstiaris nknowing they ckilled someone i lived twith , and then i found my roomate upstairs in like a cage and he was like “here” and i came into the cage with him , and then cutsceene or schagne of csceenes it was me sitting in fthe cough in front of the tc anf my teeth felt wereid and so i puched my toucnge on my teeth and they al l started to fall out, so i took them out up untill my cnanined so all my chewing teeth came out and i went upstairs to my roomate and just started crying the all my teeth fell out and i cried wfor like ten minutes.

New Prompt : Elder Scrolls.

I love the elder scorlls games so much. I dont know what it is about the games and the lore and the sotrieds but i could play elder scorlls for the reast of my life over any other games. basically is tesstareted with skyrim (which i lolved at the time), and then i got oblivioun (which i hated and will always ahte because of the way thear archaress are set up, it sucks, it sucks so hard anf im s always a nsekay archer i like snek kills) and then i got morrowing (which is my favorite) andn i havent played the otehr because theyre all for consoleds that i dont have or are way to fciffiult like the sarena is ridiciulous,  i would never be able to get out of the dungeon aread they have and not hamerfell of something red that one is terrible sjust in sotryline, but i think its cool that elder scorlls artated out in the 90s like i did.  i was born around the time that the arena came out which i think is no coincidentce. my parents arenet too bid of gamers, my dad used to be but he is more for the arcade style games, and my mom sjust likes snowboarding or something. but i get really into it. speaking of that, that reminds og of pokemon. i collected the cards way early  like 6 years old early. and i watched all of the epidsodes of the first season and the first movei which runs for like 1000 dollard on amacon, but anyway i didnt know that everything was based on a game until i lwas like fourtheen , i always lthought the cards were based on the show and the show was jujst wa show, but then i played my first pokemon game wihch was platinume and since then i veplayed others, but it really surprised mye that i didnt know that there were games first then the show then the cards because i used to beg my cvousins all the time if i could play pokemon on ine of there gameboy advances and such , theyd nebver let me play, but theyd let me wathc, which is why i think i can sit in my room for like 12 hours and watch other people play video games on youtube. i actullauy inejoy watcheing other people play which is weird, youd think i wouldnt and that i would rather play, but especiaiklu if i wante to play the game, i like to wathvc playthrough, because then i wkknow what to do and what not to do, making the game easiter for me, since puzzles are not my strong wsuit in games. io like puzzles like sudoku and stuff, but i do not like puzzles like the nord puzzles in skyrim, in the tombs and such.

Fear Demon Extra Freewrite

Fear.

fear liek the fear demons from dragon age or the new est inquistion where the fear demon is what jis behind everything. or the game f.e.a.r. i don;t know. i m afraid of spiders, thats fsomething im afraid of. i m afraid of judgment, and other things. like i don’t even know what im afraid of until i feel that familiar beating of my heart, and then sometimes i confudese fear with anziecty anxiety because they feel the same i guess they are kind of the same beacause when you are anxious, you fear something, so maybe they aren’t interchangable tearms but they go hand in ahnd with each other, like reading and books, aor pen and apaper. its werid how things are like that. although those are bad exampkles. i can’t think iof anything else, like fear and anxiety wehre they are the same thing, but they are different. or well i guess one is the prduct of the other so like cows and milk, thats better. I dont like anxiety. it makes me sweat, and it makes me sad. sometimes, when im anxoiuse engouh ill freak out and i wont be able to breathe, or something like that. like my roomate, he makes me ancxious, but i guess im not really afraif of him. he doesnt make me fear him, i just feel anxious around him. or maybe there is something about him or something im afraifd he;kk do if i do something he likes or doesnt like, and im afraid of that, the unknown. everyone is afraid of the unknown. everyone. i don’t care who you are , i dont care if you think you have it all planned out, we are at out most frightened when the woman asks us to put our hands in the cardboard bocx, and we’re hesistant because our friends told us what we’d find, or no one told us, and hwe dont want to have to dffeel that wauy. i know that i cant even try new food, and i can see that. sometimes i can be super weird too. like im so afraid of finding a different route to work or school because i dont want to be late, even if the other way is faster, or maybe even buy a new book, because i dont knowo iff ill like it. im afraid to tell my roomate somet hings sometiems, because im afraid ill loose him as a friend, and im afraidf he;kk be mean to me, or sad, or something. and i dont want his family to hate me. and i dont wnat anyone to hate me, i just want to do what i want to do, and sometimes, i shouldnt i know, but sometimes, i don;t know how to say it without feeling like ive hurt someone. i am a people pleaser and i like to keep it that way. people are wonderful, and they desercve happinees, which i s why i want to be a psychologist ecause i want to help people become beautiufl iand perfect in their own eyes, instead of other’s eyes. i want them to be happy, to legitimately feel happy, and want to live, and love others, and be heklpful, and healthy. i dont care what theyve done . i dont believe in bad people. no one is a bad person. sometimes people do bad things, but no one is truly a bad person, and i think this because out of the most recent DSM (5 ii think), pary of diagnosing a mental disorder is if the person does things that are way outsaide of the norm, and if you do something “bad” then that isnt part of the norm.

Demon.

i gues i velibece in demons. i dont know if i really do, because i feel tlike they would be everyone all the time, but i gues some pary of me id afraid of them. i velibve in fairries, and things like that, so i guess demons fit that bnelief, i just see so much evidence for everything else, i dont seem much for deomns other than movies. ast night we rented a movie about the xoristst it was a documentary, and i was suepr dissapointed. i thought it was going to be an actual movie, a scary movie, which is my favorited kind. ibut it wasn’t and i was really upset that it woasnt. although we did watch anvhorman 2, and the movie sex tape, which both were extermeely funny, funnier than i thought they would be. i really like will ferrel l but troy doesnt, and i dont know why. i think its the slapstick humor in will ferrell movies, but i thinjk he needs to lighten up for the mosst part. and i think that a lot of things should happen, doesnt mean they are suppossed to . i am so tired right now, i really just want to go to sleep, but its worth it to stay awake, i dont even know how this looks right now. hiw many red lines i have dotting across the page because im so tired. i dont care what happenees anymore, i almost just passed out. too tired for this . i dont like feeling tired, but im always tired, ki think its because im depresssed, but idk if im actually depresseed or if i just think i am because it will give me something to be unique through, lik im not very unique, im a white girl who likes cats and starbucks, and smokes pall mall whitwe 100s, who like video games, and changes her hairstykle every like two months, i dont see i just dont see what about me is unique or attractive or anything im kind of just a background person for all of the super successful, outgoing people outhtreer. im what the movie industry would call an extra, or a charater tooyou hear very little from throught the movei. i wish i was more intersting, or had a passion other than psychology, like with video games, i cant talk to gamers, because they all know more about things than me, i cant talk about my paganism to anyone bcause im so new to it, i cant talk to anyone about anything, beucase i dont trust them. i guess i have trust issues too, but not so much as issues, with not being awesome. i just wish i was a unique soiul. one who everyone liked. who was outgoing, not part of the backgroud. but in my mind, because im so afraid of poeple i kind of wnat to stay wehre i am as well. idk its wehrever likfe takes me i guess and i probabbly sohoulndt look at life as being something that takes me someonewhere, i should probably look at it as something i can control, as something i can make better, i don’t know why i dont/cant, i just guess i dont wnat to try, because i dont want to fail. id rather fail not tring than fail while trying. idk i m just weird about my likes and dsilikes sometimes. i really like writing i can tell who in this callss doesnt, because they are just kind of sitting annot thinking or typing or antuyhging, i cant stop styping, i have eay to much on my mind. plus im tired, that helps fuel my need to do something to keep me awake. but i jst think that if your going to pay for something at least participate. its not difficult, unless i its verbal and youre like me, then it becomes very complicated. because people scare me all that time.

Extra.

its all about extra. we as a society just want everyhtin ever to have, which can be okay, if tyoure not willing to lose evertyhgin to try and get more.. this was going to be what i wrote about but im really bad a t loopiing, i dont really wnat to share much because things are complicated, and im still tired, and im about doesn with this ferrewrinting thing. nick is outisde the calsswroom waiting for me and such, its weird to think about being egaged, i dont know if i woould want to marry him anytime soon, i could ne engaged to him forever and that would make me happy. no sex before marriage he alsway says,, which is funny. s hwat about when we are engaged? does that rule still apply. i dont know why a guy like him loves me, because im so mean, and tired all the time, and gross, and im just not the best person, i dont help people klie he does, and i dont usually try and go out of my way to help people,, and i want to help nut i have to go to school for it, i have very set veies. i get angry easily and im just overall a abd eprson for him. i wish he could find someone whho wasnt so bad. i mean im glad he shcose me, but it makes me sad that he deserves ebtter and im too selfish to let him have better. its just so overwhelming all the time. sometimes i just want to crawl into a hole and never come back out. in fact i teel like that most days, becasue things are so hard, and i make them hard, and i dont know why i haee to do that our what i can do to fix that and sometimes i dont know if i really want to fix that. and gosh, im just so tireed of everything. i want to seep all day and never do anything ever again. its not fair to anyone around me, buts thats just how i feelsometimesi cry when other people ar e happy becasuse i dont know what that feels like. im going to stop writing now because im tired, and done, and my hands hurt from writing or should i say typing so much. i think ive writted engouh. for the day, except ill put something in here about like how mcuch i love reading so tha tim not also a liar, when it comes times to chsare. so here it is : i love reading all the time, and i could read all day , especially about fairaies, and dragons and cool things that are interesting, mythogoogy is good, and i love doimng tarot, and using my oracle cards, and learning about myxslef. oh that reminds me, i have toinvite people to my marykay debut. ugh how am i going to get anyone to come to that. im not friendly at all, and i forget every chace i have. it literally te worst.i wish firends came easy to me, so that i could just have people to come up to aand ask if they would come to my debut. i feells o bad, all the time because i dont have nay friednds, well ido , but i cant ask anything of anyone because i think theyll turn me down. but maybe my stepmom isnt busy this weekedn, or something. gosh im so tired, can i go to bed now please, or get a redline or something like that. i wish nick would sleep more. that would make me feel better about wanting to sleep all the time, but he wnats to go out and actually do stuff, im not so good at that.

This I Believe

When thinking about the cat who belongs to my neighbor, the dog that's eating a McDonald's cheeseburger off of the dirty street, the crayfish at the pet store, the elephants at the zoo; when thinking about any and all animals, not necessarily meeting them all face to face due to my fear of them or geographical location, I think of them all as members of my family. That cat is the super lovable grandmother, the dog is the poor cousin, the crayfish are the newborn nieces and nephews, the elephants are the gentle leading fathers. When I think of family, I do not just think of those whose specific genes I share; I think of every single being that is a product of our natural mother Earth. This means, that not only is the neighbor's cat my super lovable grandmother, but my neighbor is like the estranged sister I never really had the chance to know. I believe that not only are humans categorized as animals (and when I reference animals I include them), but also that every animal is not only equal, but apart of one extremely large, chaotic, family.

As far as where this belief stems from, I believe the first seed of thought was planted in my brain by my actual mother. See my mother has not only had at least two dogs in her life at ALL times, but she was also at one point a veterinarian. Veterinarian's I think are a strange bunch when being compared to most "normal" people (I use the term normal very loosely because nobody is truly "normal"). To go to the extreme here, in a life or death situation, where someone can only choose one : the pet or a human, and to make it more difficult the human would be a best friend or something. Most normal people would choose the human. I have a very strange feeling that the veterinarian would choose the pet. So with that in mind, it's not so difficult to believe that my mother loves animals almost as much as she loves me. Growing up in a household where the dogs are allowed to curl up in bed, watch TV with you, eat with you, and etc... was where I began the belief that dogs, and by default other animals that are usually kept as pets are our equals. That they deserve our love, and to be treated like they are a part of the family and nothing less.

When it grew into something greater than that. When my belief changed from including just typical household pets to every animal, even the ones I don't know exist, my view on animal rights changed of course. But something else came with that; it was a sense that even when our family is fighting over something silly or something very important, or when we come together in harmony (at least before our cousin Bill the hyena makes fun of aunt Jill the cockatoo's hairdo) that we are all part of something making us connected and I use the word family to describe it. It doesn't matter if you have a tail or purple hair, if you eat your young or give them up for adoption; you are a part that family. As far as where it came from, I don't want to say that I know exactly every detail of every story involving my belief, but I have a few stories that I think are a large contribution.

So here is my church story. When I was younger I would go to church with my grandmother every Sunday (and then sometimes during the week). I wasn't forced to go; in fact, if my grandmother left me home I would freak out. I didn't want to be left behind and I loved church. See church when you're younger is fun if you go to a true church. One that preaches love instead of hate, and one that accepts everyone no matter what they believe in or practice. That's the kind of church I went to, and I loved it. There really isn't a specific story about church, but the whole church experience definitely was positive. We would also always take time to listen to other people's stories. Whether they were new (which wasn't very often being in a small town), or whether they were just updating us from last week's tragic event. We took as much time as they needed to tell their stories. Afterwards we would eat the free food that was provided. The best part about all of this is that if anyone came in to hear the sermon, or not, that was homeless or needy, they would get to eat too. They wouldn't have to be a part of the church or anything, and they could show up every week without question and we would feed them. I would always hear the older members of the church refer to these people as brother and sister from the belief that we are all God's children. Being surrounded by people who held that belief that all humans are God's children, therefore all relatives is were the belief that my neighbor is not just the person who lives next to me, but like stated earlier, an estranged sister.

Even though I went to church, I never really grew up Christian. The actual beliefs of where and when God was and such just didn't sound right to me. So I went to church to hear the love, to be with those I loved, and because the doughnuts were always delicious. That being said I never really grew up anything. I actually was an atheist for a very long time without even knowing it. Although my grandparents (the ones I spent most of my childhood around) tried to raise me in Christianity (with no intention of forcing those beliefs, just surrounding me in them) I still received pretty heavy doses of other faiths as well. Most of all though, I was being exposed to the form of Paganism that my mother practiced. From her in her good days, and from Paganism most recently, I've learned quite a lot. One key lesson I learned was that animals are our equals. This being that in a past or future life, I could potentially be an animal. That's really just the basic meaning; it can actually be a little complicated. In any case, mainly my mother, but to her from Paganism and then from Paganism to me, I was taught that animals are our equals, and that we could possible have been or will be one.

At this point, I've learned that animals deserve our love just as any family member does from the veterinarian side of my mother, that we are all part of one big family from the Christian church, and also from my mother, and then Paganism, that animals are our equals. And really, that's about it. It's a fairly simple belief, and I never had a life changing moment where a bus of thought hit me and I screamed, "Everyone is equal!". There was no single camp story that scarred me into this belief, no life changing events, nothing special. It was a prolonged exposure to those who cared. Exposure to the true teachings of the bible, of the wonderful mind of Pagans, and my mother (who is an entirely different species herself). It's kind of like if you had someone bully you in primary school. They would call you fat, ugly, stupid, etc.. You never really thought anything of it, thought that it wasn't getting to you, until one day you look in the mirror and there comes a sudden realization that that bully was "right". Well it's the same concept. Except there weren't specific words said, just feelings and beliefs, and they weren't negative experiences, but beautiful ones.